Crimean Vote Spawns Global Deamand to Roll Back the Clock

The referendum in the Crimea has spawned a wave of demands worldwide among oppressed peoples and ethnic purists wanting to reclaim their roots and return to the unspoiled past. The following resolutions have been received by our news room:

(1) “We the WASPS of New England and the southern USA do solemnly swear that with the influx of foreigners, including Dutch, Germans, Italians and sundry other Europeans as well as Asians and Africans, our culture is being diluted and our language polluted; and we do hereby declare that we will hold a referendum on realigning our nation to the United Kingdom of Great Britain.”

(2) “We the oppressed French speakers of Quebec, do solemnly swear that our language and culture are being defiled by the people of Canada; we therefore move that a referendum be held to reinstate our status as an overseas department of France.”

(3) “We the people of Jamaica do solemnly declare that Federation and Independence have brought us much misery inflicted by ourselves; we therefore will hold a referendum that will return our status as a Crown colony of the United Kingdom.”

(4) “We the oppressed Africans/Indians of Guyana/Trinidad and Tobago, do solemnly declare that our rights have been trampled on and we have been forced to be a part of a Caribbean Community that denies us our rights to live as Africans/Indians and accept the identity of Caribs; we therefore demand a referendum that will reunite us with Nigeria/Ghana/India/Pakistan.”

About Mark Lee

Editor, author and writer with career spanning print, radio, television and new media.

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